"I IZ NOT A CANINE!"

Dear Friendz on the Dog Blog.

Now we’ve seen it all.

Friendz, today our Huminz wuz all eggsited.

“Look!  They are protecting the Prare-ee Dogs!” our Huminz sed.

Friendz we took a look.  And needless to say, we gasped so hard we all fell over and had to be revived with biskits.

Friendz these are not dogs — not dogs at all!  They doesn’t look like canines in the leest!  Theyz look like — like — like — well we don’t know what!!  Friendz!  We doesn’t know what they iz, but they iz not dogs!

You can see in the pikchur!  The critter is screeming, “I IZ NOT A CANINE!”

And in the neggst pikchur, the critterz is making the secret planz to figur out how to break it to the Huminz that they is not dogs.

"How do we tell them we iz not dogs?"

Oh Friendz.  All we kin do is shake our heds.

Huminz.  One giant state of confushon.

Sigh.  Your PaLs, LuLu,  MoLLy, and also WILLYUM.

The best way to prepare for a walk is by napping

Dear Friendz on the Dog Blog, Hi I am MoLLy!

Today LuLu showed us a vidyo that you can see here!

Look what happens when you poop on your walk!

It is a song about the dogs walking their Huminz and pooping and the Huminz not picking it up.  And ther is much singing and dancing by the huminz in the vidyo!

I sed OH THIS IS GOOD TO LERN!  That if I want a bunch of huminz in the nay-borhood to sing and dance, I am supposed to poop!

Which was confus-ting becuz when I poop outside my Huninz say “Good Girl” but do not sing or dance.  And neither do the nay-bors. And I tried pooping inside a long time ago.  And there was no signing or dancing then either.

LuLu barked, “NO! The lesson is that if you are lucky u will have a humin who looks good in jogging cloze!”

Our Humin does not look good in the jogging cloze.

Then WiLLyum sed, “Mebbe taybe the point is that if you poop a lot on your walk the nay-bors will sing and dance AND your Humin will look good in jogging cloze.  AND EVEN JOG!”

“NO!” LuLu barked. “DUH!”  LuLu is older so everything we say is rong!

Then LuLu cocked her hed, skwiinted at WiLLyu, and sed, “The real lesson is that if you poop alot on your walk your Humin will look good in jogging cloze and j –”

“THAT IS WHAT I SAID!” WiLLyum barked!

“QUIET!” LuLu yelled!  And even tho LuLu is the size of WiLLyum’s hed, WiLLyum knows better than to mess with LuLu so he shut his yapper and slunk off.  Then he  gave the Humin the Pitiful WiLLyum Look and rolled over for the Humin to scratch him.  WiLLyum is a Suck Up.

Then we made a plan. Today we are going to poop and poop and poop everywhere we can on our walk.  Becuz according to the vidyo, if we do this, the whole neighborhood will break into song and dance!  And the Humin will look good AND JOG!

Dear Friends on the Dog Blog, HI!

First, thank you for the meny good wishes and condolintzes about LoLLy.  It is true we is sad we cannot lie.  But we are always happy that she is at the All You Can Eat Biskit Buffet.  Also, she went to the Hevens a little while ago, we were so sad we could not tell you about it for a long time, but now we have had some time.  In fact, last nite we yelled at the Humins this is not quite fair WHY CAN WE NOT HAVE ALL YOUR CAN EAT BISKIT BUFFET TOO?

Today we have a bone to pik, this is an article we red about setting up a Trust for you Dog.  This is where you leave all the money to the dog.  However, the artikle did not disgust credit cards and as you know we are very big on credit cards.  Also it did not disgust leaving your pets your cell phones or any wardrobe items that you like to wear such as your Huminz socks, which look very attractiv hanging out of your mouth.  Or your Huminz pens, which are eggsellent to chew on, and make ink go everywhere which makes the rugs look better.  Or also the fridge.  What is the point of the money if you do not get the fridge?

Friends, you see our point.  We wish you a truly outstanding day, remember, chew on the sofa leg, it is EGGSELLENT!  Love, your PaLs, LuLu! WiLLyum! MoLLy!

Dear Friendz on the Dog Blog, Hi!

As you know one of our favrit things to bark is "Two Paws UP!"

And here is the best eggsample of Two Paws UP! we have ever seen!  This doggy has bionic paws now!

OK here is what happened!  First we read on the newz that this truly outstanding doggy got Frostbite and lost his paws.

Well this was terrble!  Who was this evil Frost and why was he biting paws insted of something sensible like bones?

That day we went in the car and the Humin drove to the bank.  And then we realized it is called FROST bank!  OH NO!   Was the Frost bank going to chew our paws too?  And then a woman appeared on a video screen and sed "Welcome to Frost Bank!" and the Humin sed "thank you I have a deposit" and the woman sed, "Oh look what cute doggies!  I could just eat them up!"

That's when we new we was in trouble.

So we all screamed "Humin get us out of here!" but the Humin just yelled "QUIET!" so we screamed louder and WiLLyum starting throwing himself against the window to break out and the Humin yelled WILLYUM WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU and we all barked "WE IS GOING TO GET OUR PAWS EATEN OFF BY THE FROST!" and then MoLLy threw up and that worked!  The humin yelled at the video lady "I WILL COME BACK LATER!" and we screamed "WE WON'T!" and the Humin put the petal to the metal and we roared off.

Well anyway here is the point.  The point is that we iz very sorry that the doggy in the story went to the bank and got his paws bitten by the Frost.  But we iz VERY happy that he has the news paws.  And this is truly TWO PAWS UP!!!!!

Love, your PaLs, LuLu, WiLLyum, and MoLLy!

MoLLy is a truly outstanding sleeper!

Dear Friendz on the Dog Blog, Hi this is LuLu here and 1st I must say thank u for the meny kind commintz about LoLLy who it terns out is frankly having very good timez as we have herd from her from Hevven and it turns out there is plenty of biskitz in Hevven.  As in ALL U KIN EAT!  And no catz.

As u know we got 2 new puppies named WiLLyum and MoLLy.  This was even tho we ast Santa Paws for guppies to start a fish tank and he brought us puppies insted due to apparintly a hard of heering problim.

Well anyway today I am introdoosting u to MoLLy.  MoLLy is 2 years old.  I know this becuz I herd the Huminz say it and at first I thought they mint she was 2 dogs in 1 and I screemed at the top of my lungs “HELP! HELP! MOLLY IS 2 DOGS IN ONE!”

And then the Huminz sed, “LuLu do you need to go outside?” and I sed, “YOU CRAZY HUMINZ MOLLY IS TWO DOGS IN ONE!” and they took me outside and stared at me like I needed to go to the bathroom and so the whole thing was useless.

Well anyway then I herd the Huminz say, “Ken u beleeve MoLLy and WiLLyum r 2 years old already” and I was so happy to realize that they mint 2 years and not 2 dogs in one that I fell over in releef.

‘THANK DOG MOLLY IS ONLY ONE DOG!” I screemed while lying on my back and waving my pawz in the air.  And then the Huminz pikked me up and sed “LuLu are ur allergeez bothering you?” at which point I shut up and prayed that in my neggst life I would live with some intelligint people for a change.

Well anyway this is a pikcurs of MoLLy.  MoLLy is very talented at meny things, mainly sleeping, as you can see from this outstanding pikchur.  MoLLy is also very bad at meny things like when the Huminz say “MoLLy do you want a treat?” in that certain voice she still falls for it not reelizing that there is pills in it and that she is supposed to spit it out like a smart dog.  But at leest she is not 2 dogs in 1.

That is the report on MoLLy.  Love, your PaLs, LuLu, MoLLy, and WiLLyum — altho this is ritten by LULU!!!!!

First, last Christmas we asked Santa Paws for guppies.  We was starting a fisht tank.  But insted this showed up at our house:

Fuzzy MoLLy, WiLLyum, and LuLu!

Santa Paws left us puppies insted of guppies.

The shrimpy one is me LuLu.  Negst to me is WiLLyum.  Then MoLLy who looks fuzzy.  MoLLy in genral is fuzzy.  As in the hed.

At first we did not no which was worst.  That Santa Paws had gone def or that there were 2 new dogs at our house.

You are thinking they is giants, so how can they be puppies.  I am  shrimpy is the problem.   Also they is growed up now.  They is 2 or at least this is what the Humin sez.  I am 64 or 12 I do not remember but I am sure it is one of those.

So we was busy with these guys.  They did not even no how to chase skwirls when they got here.

You are wondring where LoLLy is.  LoLLy is in the Big Dog Park in the Sky.

Thist was the other reason there was no dlogging.  LoLLy was busy being sick and I was busy taking care of LoLLy.

You are sad that LoLLy is gone.  We are 2.  But LoLLy needed a good rest and so it is better that she is getting rest.  Also there are as menny biskits as you want at the Dog Park in the Sky.  I am beginning to wonder why I am stuck here while LoLLy has all the fun.

WiLLyum and MoLLy have gotten on my nerves.  They were complete dumb-dumbs when they got here.  They did not  have kareers.  I am going to be a pro-wrestler and LoLLy was a riter.  WiLLyum and MoLLy are rescue dogs.  I sed, “Good Dog, somebody rescue me!”

It is good to dlog to you again.  I am going to try to teech MoLLy and WiLLyum the ropes.  So far the skwirl chasting has improved as MoLLy has not banged into a tree in at least 2 days.  If they contiyou to progress, I will let them Dlog 2.

Love, your PaL, LuLu!

CLICK HERE to rock! And canines, get ready to sing the chorus with us: “Arf arf arf and a woof woof too, You think you rescue us — but we really rescue you!”

By the way, as you all know, no girl dog video is complete without a pink wig. We got ours from Wiggles Wigs and they are awesome! And Two Paws Up thanks to Lee Mannix, who conducted the chorus!

“These doggies are so cute that I am trying to trade LoLLy for them!” LoLly’s sister LuLu said. “Just kidding, but seriously! Check out those ears!”

The new puppies, named Sunny and Lauren, came from PAWS, a no-kill animal shelter in Chicago. With the two new additions, Oprah is now the proud human pack leader to five adorable canines.

“Math is not our strong suit,” said LoLLy Maltese, herself adopted from Town Lake Animal Shelter in Austin, Texas. “But we know five is more than what she had before, which was five minus two, which is nineteen!”

LuLu and LoLLy gave the entire event a resounding “Two Paws UP!,” their only concern being the two pink leashes that Oprah gave to Sunny and Lauren.

Pursing her lips, LoLLy explained.
“One of those leashes should have been purple,. Everybody knows that if you have two sisters that’s the way it’s supposed to be.”

For more on this outstanding news, click here!
For a list of shelters near you, click here!

“Humans figured this out using old dog bones, wolf bones, and something called ‘genes’,” said LoLLy Maltese, a resident of Austin, Texas. “Personally I’ve got issues with that. I don’t care if the bones were left a kajillion years ago. It’s rude to dig up somebody else’s belongings.”

Further concerns were raised…

by a conversation LoLLy had with her good friend and fellow Austinite, Daphne.

“My Girl [human] says my stunning beauty, radiant smile, and charming personality are the result of ‘good genes,’” Daphne was saying. “This is troubling because according to my Girl, good jeans come from The Gap and I have never even stepped paw into that place, so how could I possibly have jeans from there?!!”

LoLLy shook her head in disgust. “So apparently these scientists were hanging out in The Gap looking at old dog and wolf bones. It’s gotta make you question their level of commitment. Like were they really focused on dogs, or whether to wear bootcut or straight legs to work that day?”

Despite widespread concern about the “stupid denim pants methodology,” “illegal confiscation of somebody else’s material goods,” and the fact that Daphne feels she’s provided sufficient evidence that her human “is not the sharpest tool in the shed,” canines across the country agreed the new study demonstrates a “massively important” point: the contractual obligation of dogs to bark loudly at the drop of a hat.

“This study says a relationship formed between wolves and humans because humans were slobs and left a bunch of scraps behind when they ate,” said LoLLy. “The wolves tried to teach the humans to pick up after themselves, but you know how humans are. After a while the wolves were like, forget it, and started eating the leftovers themselves to keep things tidy. Meanwhile the humans figured out that not only did the wolves leave the campgrounds a whole lot cleaner, but that the wolves were outstanding guards as well.”

And thus a mutually beneficial relationship was born. Humans would provide food; wolves would serve as guards.

“It’s contractual,” said LoLLy. “We bark, humans feed.”

“YEAH!” barked Daphne. “Those are the rules!”

“Like the human in the blue outfit who shows up every day and shoves letters through the mail slot,” LuLu said. “That guy’s a stalker if there ever was one. The only thing that drives him away is my barking. I don’t care how many times my Humans tell me to cool it. I’m the only thing keeping the house safe!”

According to the research, humans encouraged wolves to breed into a smaller species that eventually became dogs. To read more about these recent discoveries in wolf-dog evolution, click here!

“I’ll bark, ‘Max!’” Esther said. “But SAM will come running. Or I’ll bark ‘Sam, come!’ — only here comes Max.” Esther paused to shake her head sadly. “I worry all the time about their future. How can they get jobs if they can’t remember who’s who?”

Esther has been working tirelessly with the boys, and on the whole maintains a positive and hopeful attitude.

But she admits to sometimes thinking, “I’m going to spend the next one hundred years trying to straighten these two out.”

When asked if perhaps it was her barking causing the confusion, Esther appeared stunned.

“I am a terrific barker,” she said crisply. “I feel quite confident …

that is not the problem.”

Esther said that when she was at The Washington Animal Shelter League, and Max and Sam’s family came in and filled out an application to see if Esther would adopt them, that Max and Sam’s problems were not disclosed.”

“I think they were so excited that I might come live with them that they thought if they told me that Max and Sam are name-challenged that I might not adopt them,” Esther said. “Frankly I can’t blame them.”

Esther said that the worst moments are when the boys seemed to show “a more advanced variation on the problem.”

“I’ll clearly bark ‘Max come!’ Esther said. “But then they both come barreling down the hallway.” Looking heavenward, Esther seemed to choke back tears, “I’m like, ‘Really? ‘Are you kidding me?’ I mean how am I supposed to work with that?”

Esther said that despite the daily frustrations associated with trying to train Max and Sam to “live up to their full potential and get their names straight,” she doesn’t regret adopting the family for a minute.

“These are very loving humans. I’m very happy with my choice. Max and Sam are particularly loving boys.”

When asked how she will celebrate if Max and Sam figure out who is who, Esther looked as if someone had suggested she take up baking bread.

“There won’t be any time for celebrating!” Esther barked. “We’re way behind in terms of other basics like ‘give me more treats now!’ and “take me for a walk!’ I can’t begin to think about teaching them those other commands until they get their names straight!”

To find more outstanding pets who might be willing to adopt you, visit or contact the Washington Animal Shelter League here!