LULU "The Hammer" MILLER

LOLLY MALTESE MILLER

Occupation: Dog. Also would like to be a Professional Wrestler Favorite food: Pizza, which I am not allowed. Favorite activity: Wrestling, watching ESPN Claim to Fame: Renowed Calendar Expert Hi, I'm Lulu! Lolly is my sister. We're Maltese dogs. I weigh five pounds. Lolly says she weighs eight; but, she really weighs nine. We live with two Humans who work too much. Last year Lolly decided she wanted to be a writer and started spending all her time chewing on pencils. Needless to say, I got B-O-A-R-D bored. So I got the emergency credit cards the Humans keep hidden in the sock drawer, and explained to Lolly that a road trip would give her great material for writing. A day later we were on a bus headed for Colorado to snowboard! Our trip was eggsellent. After Lolly got out of the hospital in Colorado, we went a lot of other places. Sky-diving, river-rafting... it took a while to find Lolly after the coyotes captured her out west, but on the whole we covered a lot of ground! The credit cards broke in New York so we had to go home. You would think the hmans would be glad to see us. After all, we had sent them postcards while we were gone. Instead they were freaking out. BIG TIME. Ever since we got back they've been stomping around saying things like "no more television" and "living like normal dogs for a change." Also, something about "credit cards" and bankruptcy." Apparently with credit cards, you have to pay money back. Who knew? So we made a calendar about our road trip to raise funds. It was a big hit. We decided our Humans had a bad attitude, so we gave the money to the shelter that Lolly came from instead. Now we're making more stuff, and our awesome 2009 calendar is here. It includes pictures from our trip and the postcards we sent home. We're going to raise even more money for rescue dogs! Other animals too! Buy some of our eggsellent products today! Just please don't tell the Humans. They think we're trying to figure out a way to raise money for the credit cards. Just what exactly is bankruptcy, anyway? It can't be that bad.

Occupation: Dog, Writer Favorite food: Sugar, which I am not allowed. Favorite Activity: Writing Claim to Fame: World's Leading Authority on Calendars Hello I am Lolly. Ever since Lulu figured out how to work the TiVo she hasn't been right in the brain. It was one thing when she decided to be a pro-wrestler. But then she started recording ESPN and got all these other ideas into her head. Last year Lulu talked me into going on a road trip with her. I had just finished my first novel, Biscuit Bender, and needed new material for a second book. So a road trip did sound like a good thing. And it was. FOR ABOUT ONE HOUR. Then I found out that the bus we were on did not have a beverage cart, let alone a snack service. It was downhill from there. I couldn't get home because Lulu had the credit cards. I almost got them out of her backpack the day we got arrested. But the police took everything and when we snuck out of jail, Lulu snatched our stuff and got control of the cards again. The credit cards finally broke in New York City. This was after we went to a jewelry store and Lulu bought a tiara. At the time I told her it was a bad idea. Lulu, I said. Where are you going to wear that thing? Next thing you know, we're broke. Needless to say, we had to come home. I have to admit, I can see the Humans' point about being upset; apparently the credit cards are connected to their need to work, which they do too much of anyway. On the other hand, they need to get a life. That's why after we started making stuff to raise money we decided to give it to organizations that help animals instead. The only problem is that the Humans are still upset and threatening to make us live in the back yard. I can understand putting Lulu out there. But I'm worried about my career. I don't think I can concentrate on writing in the back yard. The squirrels are a problem, for one thing.